Cheating the system, moral dilemma

[Linda]

This is a rant/need advice post.  A former friend/now just acquaintance has moved to a neighboring county.  To have her child stay in our school district she is lying about her residency.  Frankly it is in the child's best interest to be at this school (based on the child's life since she has moved) except when it comes to the moral issue of what are you teaching your child about lying.  Real big problem with that...

My biggest problem, though, is dealing with my daughter on the issue.  She is high school age, and (sorry, I love you) prone to blond moments.  She def. knows that they live in the wrong county and must realize that they are doing something out of the ordinary to go to this school.  I feel like this family has put all of us who are/were close to them in the middle of the lie, and I don't like the position my daughter is in, should she slip.  If she say something by accident she will feel horrible.  If I tell her not to, then I am helping perpetuate the lie. 

The family has alienated themselves enough (hence the former friend status), but the girls all adore each other.  Their daughter got the short end of the stick on this one.  She is living alone in the country in a great house, but really needs her friends.  Doesn't mean I'm going to teach my child that lying is the correct means to an end. 

Am I right?  Should I explain the situation to my daughter?  I don't want my daughter feeling like she's on eggshells when she is in class with her.  Really confused.

[Audrey]

Linda,

What would happen if the woman were to petition for her daughter to attend the school?

[emsplace]

I can see both sides, but I think too often we teach our children to circumvent rules and that is not good.
I feel bad for your daughter and the other girl.
emily

[Linda]

Our schools become too full too fast and unless you have a good reason, petitioning for a variance does no good.  That's why they are doing what they are doing.  I know it's done all the time, but if it becomes widespread, then the county will begin cracking down.  You just worry about the kids in these situations...

[emsplace]

In Dallas they had a crack down last year. I can't remember what they did, but in some areas, I think they went door to door.
Now, our new neighbors close on their house next Wednesday. They registered their children over here and I think that is ok. They are moving here next week and will just trek back and forth this week. I think that is ok because they are moving here and who wants their children to be pulled out of school day 8 and moved to a new school.

em

[Audrey]

Linda,

It's really tough. Any child who interacts with the child who is "lying" will know the truth. Any mom who drives their child to this other child's house will now know. It's really hard to keep this kind of secret.

Has your daughter said anything to you about this situation?

[Linda]

No she hasn't.  But she is smart enough to know the rules.  Since I'm divorced, we certainly have discussed that if we had to move her dad still lives in the district so she could still attend the school...legally...I think Im just going to let it go and see what happens.  I'm tempted to turn them in anonymously, and see what happens, but I don't want to get involved to that extent.  I don't know...it would be one thing if she were finishing out 1 or 2 years , but she is coming in as a freshman...4 years of lying.  seriously...

[emsplace]

See, if she was a SR then I might say... I totally understand.
But a freshman, come on!
Meanwhile, back in the day (my day) we moved from Houston, to Satellite Beach, FL middle of my Jr. Year. I contemplated staying with relatives because I was in a private school, and not bound by the same restrictions of where I could live, but decided to go with my dad/brother.

[Linda]

And the reason that she'll go unnoticed by faculty, etc.  is that her sisters went to the school (legally), and so it won't be a red flag at all to them. 

Would you tell the administration?  Would you stay out of it?

[Audrey]

What would be gained by you telling the administration? (which I'm really against, by the way)

[Linda]

I'm against it too.  I'm more afraid of my daughter being put in a position of being the one who spills the beans and having it fall on her...  probably has me being more protective than usual.  It's really not my business and it's not my daughters, and I know if it does slip it's not her fault.   we'll see how the year goes I think   

[Audrey]

Linda,

Ok...being afraid for your daughter makes a whole lot of sense. I still don't believe I'd go to the administration but I do understand completely.