People who love to tell others what to do

[michellesamom]

Kind of off topic here- but I have a question.  And I'm just curious, not trying to start anything- I'm just wondering- what's wrong with Disney?  I can understand the other choices, but I don't think I've ever known anyone who made Disney off limits.  So, I'm just wondering- why?

Ok, this post got long so I'll start a new thread to answer your question...  Sorry it took so long!

[Audrey]

Joyce,

I'm a problem solver also.

I'll share just one more story. I have a friend who used to live paycheck to paycheck and usually not enough paycheck.

Every time I saw her she complained. Finally I said "there is only one way to change your situation, you need to make some changes" I gave her 10 things she could do

1. cut the cell phones to be emergency only, cutting the bill as you're cutting the minutes
2. cut all newspapers and magazines, read at the library
3. really shop the store sales and use coupons
4. quit stopping at In and Out on your way home. Buy 5 pounds of hamburger meat and premake the patties, then just cook when you want them.

That's just 4 of the suggestions I gave her. We actually had a fight. She told me I had no idea how tough it was and that I should try living without a cell phone and never having a newspaper etc.

I really wasn't wanting to fight with her. I had been listening every single day to her complain and thought she really wanted to make a change.

It's fine that she didn't change anything. Anyway...I am a problem solver. I want to see my friends love life, like I do.

Interesting topic.

[michellesamom]

Usually when I talk with a trusted friend, I want their advice. I never have a problem with advice that is given in that context. What bothers me (and I thought that it was the point of the original post) is the UNSOLICITED advice that just pops out of nowhere.
Just because we're having dinner together doesn't mean you can contradict me or disagree with my parenting choices.
Example:
We go to dinner at MIL's every week (we do brunch with my parents). Every week it's the same thing, Peanut knows she can get away with murder at MIL's so she makes a fuss about wanting to leave the table. H and I tell her that she needs to wait until everyone is finished (she doesn't have to eat, but she has to wait). I always get a comment at this point about how I'm being too strict or how I shouldn't be so difficult with her or about how she's only 2 so she should just be able to play etc...
I wasn't talking to her about it. I didn't ask for the advice, but there it was. That's what bugs me.

[Audrey]

Sorry...I'm the one who got off topic here.  What does your husband say to his mother when she does this?

[michellesamom]

Sorry...I'm the one who got off topic here.  What does your husband say to his mother when she does this?

::snort::
He usually makes a lame attempt to enforce our rules and eventually caves.

[Audrey]

So remember I'm a problem solver.....what does your husband say when you tell him how much it upsets you to have his mother do this?

[Mom2ConnorRyan]

Husbands need to support their wives.  My husband supports me and even tells his mother she needs to back off.  i just tell my mom to back off and let me live my life according to how I want to live it.  We are happy and that is all that matter. 

[michellesamom]

So remember I'm a problem solver.....what does your husband say when you tell him how much it upsets you to have his mother do this?

Usually it's "She's her grandma. My grandma used to let me get away with lots of stuff."
It's not really a problem per se (and I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hijack the post or anything). On the one hand it's irritating (hence the vent), on the other, perhaps it's an opportunity to teach Peanut that at MIL's house we go by her rules and at home we go by our rules.
For something more minor, like getting up from the table before the meal is over... I'll let it go. If it's something bigger than that, well, we'll have to play it by ear. I'm sure if it was a major issue that H would be supportive.

[Audrey]

I am so darn lucky. While my mom will offer her opinion to me, she had never allowed the kids to do something I don't allow.

If she doesn't agree with me, she'll let me know but not in front of the kids. Over the years, the kids have called my mom when they think I'm not being fair. My mom has always been awesome. She'll support them but she'll never say "your mom is wrong". Instead she'll offer them other options and other alternatives. Then if she thinks I'm wrong, she'll tell me later.

[Candid Carrie]

Fascinating on the "grandma" line of things.  I am the grandma to a fifteen month old baby girl (maybe you've heard about her because she is the most beautiful baby in the universe ever) !!!

Anyway, I am the mother of the FATHER of the baby and that is an entirely different situation than being the mother of the mother of the baby. 

Translation:  It is my son's baby which is kind of an awkward position although he calls me for all kinds of stuff, like how do you know if she's constipated or did my puke fly that far when I threw up, or I had no idea how much a sh*t diaper could stink!  But that is what you get when you have sons!