Got experience with divorce and custody?

[ThatCrazyMom]

One of my blogs is about coping with custody issues and being a good co-parent. If anyone has any suggestions on what to do, what not to do, etc. that you'd like to write a post about, let me know.

[Aimee]

I need to check that out then...

[Happy Momma]

I definitely need to check this blog out.  I have a 16 year old step-daughter.  We disagree with what her mother lets her do but we all try to get along for her benefit.  But, boy is it hard!

[Aimee]

That sounds exactly like us, except my step daughter is only 5... It is SOOOO hard!  Things go up and down though-one minute they are fine, and the next we're down each other's throats basically.

[Happy Momma]

One thing that has started to work for us recently is that my step-daughters mom and I email each other.  We try to do everything through email.  That way we aren't talking or losing our tempers because we have to think and reread before the other person gets the message.  And that also makes it so that my hubby doesn't have to talk to her- since that usually doesn't turn out very well.

[ThatCrazyMom]

Thats a good idea for an article...working with the stepparent. I know quite a few moms who have had better luck dealing with the stepmom than with dad.

[Aimee]

One thing that has started to work for us recently is that my step-daughters mom and I email each other.  We try to do everything through email.  That way we aren't talking or losing our tempers because we have to think and reread before the other person gets the message.  And that also makes it so that my hubby doesn't have to talk to her- since that usually doesn't turn out very well.

No way??? thru email everything?!?!  That'd be awesome.  My stepdaughters mom and I DO email, but she'll call my husband, and then email the exact same thing-he won't answer-so she'll read the email basically...
Lately, a lot of things have been taken care of thru email-which has been nice-but its always ME taking care of it.  Sometimes she mis-takes me and it starts a fight, b/c she fails to read the whole thing. arghhh oh well, one day she'll get it i'm sure!

[Happy Momma]

It's usually ME taking care of things too.  In our situation it's a lot easier for us to deal with each other. I mean there's a reason her and my hubby are no longer together- they can't get along.  And of course we've had our ups and downs, but for the most part we communicate very well with each other.  And 99% of it is done through email.

And I definitely think an artilce about working with the stepparent would be great.

[Aimee]

You're right-I never thought about it that way (there's a reason why they're not together anymore) and it is a communication problem on their end too. hmmm thanks for that insight!!!

[Candid Carrie]

I have way too much experience with divorce and custody.  E-mail is a good idea because you then have a paper trail to follow but you need to be very articulate and avoid giving any opportunity to allow others to read between the lines. 

It is also tough to take their words as just words.  When we were taking the "divorce" classes they indicated to be most successful you needed to take the emotion out of the equation and function with just logic.  Yeah, good luck with that.  Basically run it as though this was a business and you wanted what was best for the client. 

[Happy Momma]

When we were taking the "divorce" classes they indicated to be most successful you needed to take the emotion out of the equation and function with just logic.  Yeah, good luck with that.  Basically run it as though this was a business and you wanted what was best for the client. 

I don't think emotion can be taken out of the equation.  It sounds nice, but as long as you have humans dealing with each other there has to be emotion involved.

[Candid Carrie]

Well, sure there are emotions ... just no need to where them on your sleeve I guess. 

When my oldest son was in scouts, twenty years ago, I waited until my ex-husband sat down and then I sat down in the audience two rows behind my ex so that my son only had one place to look while he was on the stage.  Yeah, it sucked that I could smell his cologne and see his new wife and her ring blah blah blah but the reward was that my boy wasn't nervous on stage.  he had one place to look, that's all. 

It dawned on my there was no battle, other than for my son's mental health and if that meant I had to suck up silently to get what I wanted (good mental healthy son) I would do it.  Before my son would go on stage I would tell him, look I know you are going to do a good job beause blah blah blah and when you are done it is alright to go over by your dad and get his congratulastions, I can wait.  So my son went over to his dad first, but I always got the and the big smile while he came off the stage. 

Life for me was too short to let a kid know that there was "emotions" and yes, this was after a two and a half year custody battle where he attempted to bleed me dry financially.  It sucked.  But I did it for my son.