survivors of marital problems

[Amy]

Well we have been Married almost 10 years. I really did not like him at the beginning. Don't ask me how we got together. He is Loud and Outspoken!! I'm shy and an observer. Don't have a clue!!  But got together and from then on been together. We have has some problems but have always got through it. With the mercy of God!!! But how do you keep the romance after ten years of being together?? That's our problem!! 

[spatterson]

Who had marital problems but were able to overcome it? How were you able to overcome the marital issues?

my husband and i had really bad marital issues sometime 2004. he even had a mistress. the fights were really bad.

i went through counselling. and he joined me after sometime. eventually, we were able to solve the problem and we got back together.

but i can't say our relationship is now perfect. we still have fights from time to time. fortunaltely, we have learned how to fight and how to talk about our issues.

I, unfortunately, can join you gals on the marital issues.  We moved to TN from TX and while I was as happy as can be with my new home, friends, and church.. he was miserable. At times I thought he was cheating, but wasn't sure.

We moved to NC and found it he had.  We seperated for no longer than 2 weeks.  We came back and within a few months he did again.

It sounds so dumb, but I did forgive him. I do believe God prepared him for me to marry and vice versa. We have a long road ahead of us, but have learned sooooo many things about eachother we didn't know after 7 years of marriage.  He is more open. He used to hold in his opinions or anger, but is free to tell me what's on his mind. This is probably TMI, but he's more relaxed and open with sex.  We have learned how to disagree and fight when before... it was him telling me, "You're right honey. I'm wrong." 

I look at it like this: I've gotten through this and I feel like I was the bottom of the bottom of the barrel. I started drinking. I started making myself throw up. I was in a pit.  One thing that got me through that and forgiveness is a book by Beth Moore... called Get out of that Pit.  My favorite quote:

"Beloved, let this one sink in deeply: if God allowed you to be thrown into a pit, you weren't picked on; you were picked out.  God entrusted that suffering to you because He has faith in you .  LIve up to it. All the way up."

Prayer, Patience, and Hope is what gets me through each day.  Yes, the hurt is still there. Yes, the bitterness rises up every once in awhile, but hope never dissipates.

Hope this helps .. feel free to PM me (any of you gals) if you want to talk more about it.

I have a blog that I rarely publicize because it's a blog my husband and I use to convey our thoughts .. it's mostly me writing.  Feel free to read it though: http://brianandsara-momentstogether.blogspot.com/

[Willow]

For those of you who have dealt with infidelity -- as the betrayed spouse, the wayward spouse or the other person -- whether a physical affair or an emotional one,  let me recommend http://www.survivinginfidelity.com, Surviving Infidelity.  My husband had an online internet emotional affair that started while my mom was dying last fall and basically lasted until the beginning of April.  At that, the main reason it was over was because I went a little psycho and pretty much made her life a living hell.     I'm pretty ashamed of how I behaved but.... well, let's just say that I wasn't coping well with losing my mom and then potentially losing my marriage.  The folks at SI probably saved me.  And the advice and helpful hints and everything there have helped to save my marriage too.  We're not quite out of the woods yet (though in hubby's opinion we are) because there are things he said/did/promised/told that I have forgiven but they still haunt me some.  His affair did point out some potentially fatal flaws in our marriage and we have been VERY committed to working on it.

I'm actually in tears right now that I read this subject today (it showed up in my unread) because I've really been struggling with the whole thing the last couple of days.  It has helped me to know that some of my fellow mom bloggers have survived what I've been through and worse and come out on the other side.  God bless all of you for your strength -- whether your marriages survived or not, you guys seem to not only have survived -- for the most part you have thrived.

And I'm sorry if this is way TMI.  It just really struck a nerve.

[My Four Blessings]

I have never dealt with infidelity, but my friend is currently going through tis. Thank you for that link, I will have to pass it along to her.

[Danielle]

  WOW!! WHAT STRONG WOMEN YOU ALL ARE!!! WE CAN ALWAYS RISE ABOVE IF WE STICK TOGETHER GOD BLESS YALL

[My Four Blessings]

Now if I can only help to fix my friends marriage! She is 6 months pregnant with their 4th, and he decided he wanted to be with an ex girlfriend! He is currently living with said girlfriend, while my friend is left to take care of 3 kids. 

[Mom2ConnorRyan]

WOW! He is a class act.  What is with men who just up and leave their spouse and kids like that? A course women are not immune b.c they do it as well.  Sorry no real marital problems.  I guess the worst thing was not communicating.  Took a while for that to work out.  But now we are better at talking.   
i think we were both to stubborn to walk away anyways.  We love each other and realize yes we are going to argue but it is not the end of our marriage.  I believe to many people give up to quickly when things get rough.  I understand that certain things are not forgivable.  My MIl has a friend who divorced her husband of 30+ years b/c he was annoying. (She said she got tire of his jokes and kidding around so much) That is what was put in the divorce papers!

[emsplace]

I forgave my husband. But I now know he will never change.
It isn't my fault and I believe infidelity has little to do with the other person in the relationship, but more the selfishness of a person who cheats whether emotionally, physically, etc.
I don't feel comfy sharing the whole story on the net. But... suffice to say, when I found out about it two years ago, it had been going on for two or more years. Now I know it was 6+ of our nine year marraige.
And, as much as I'd like for it to work, we're basically roommates. I'm his third wife... so I think he may be a great guy, may be a good friend, but not such a great husband and that will just have to  be ok.
I want to encourage you to try as I did... but don't beat yourselves up if things don't work out.
I hope it is ok for me to post here even though I was unsuccessful at working things out.
emily

[mylifeisrad]

I wanted to share my story too:
  I was with my ex husband for 5 years not knowing that he had other women from day one.  The girl literally next door, his ex wife, and many others across the country.  He traveled for work at the time.  When I found out I had just had my second child with him.  It was so painful.  I can't even explain the pain.  I felt like a part of me had died. 
  We found a great church and the pastor and his wife offered counseling.  Each week he confessed to a new woman and I felt ripped open and betrayed with each confession.  It was so hard.
  I fought so hard for my marriage.  I really gave 200% fighting.  My marriage ended when he wouldn't stop what he was doing.  He confessed that he didn't want to stop.  He was also an alcoholic.  I finally felt like I had to make the most difficult choice in my life.  I didn't believe in divorce, but I didn't want our children to grow up thinking that that behavior was acceptable.  I didn't want them to see me upset all the time.  I was afraid for my health as well.  He gave me an STD while I was pregnant that could have hurt our baby had we not caught it right away and got rid of it.
  I left him not knowing that I was pregnant again at the time.  I thought that a separation would make him open his eyes and choose us but he didn't.  I did the whole pregnancy alone in another state while he moved in with another woman a week after I moved out...
  As someone on the outside looking in, it's so easy to just say leave.  Move on!  It's not that easy though.  So many people were mad at me for trying to save my marriage.  But when you say vows that you felt with your whole heart and have children it's not that easy to just walk away.
  Honestly, his affairs brought me closer to God.  The church and the counseling was the only way I survived.  I learned so many things from the counseling.  I learned to forgive.  Not only my ex husband, but other people in my life as well.  It changed me in so many ways.   My situation made me a stronger better person.  To this day I forgive my ex.
  God blessed my broken road.  I am happily remarried to a wonderful person.  I had another baby and I feel blessed to be a wife again.  Our marriage isn't perfect...it's hard work.  I don't know of a perfect marriage though.  I now know when to let a fight go, when to walk away and think before I speak, and I know when to forgive and cherish life. 
  Today, I get along with my ex for the children.  I'm fair with child support and I let him see the children when he wants to.  We discuss anything that deals with the children like doctor visits, school, and even hair cuts. lol!  I want it that way though.  I grew up in a divorced family and my parents were awful with each other.  It really hurt as a child dealing with that. 
  Looking back, I would change a thing!  I was blessed with 3 beautiful children from my first marriage and now I am blessed with a beautiful baby and two beautiful step daughters!  My husband too   The pain was worth what I now have today.  God and my family.
  So no...I didn't survive my first marriage.  But I did survive for another chance.

[Candid Carrie]

I have found more comfort from fellow bloggers than many of my flesh and blood friends combined.  I am proud to be over here and associated with such class acts like all of you. 

My ex-husband got busted banging his secretary that I told him NOT to hire.  Obviously our marriage didn't work out because anyone who reads me knows that the sun rises and sets directly behind my husband, David. 

But my revenge (which isn't really any kind of revenge) is that I will announce to all of you right here and now ... his penis was only an inch and a half big when it was fully inflated. 

Thanks, I always feel so much better after I blab that out there! 

[mylifeisrad]

But my revenge (which isn't really any kind of revenge) is that I will announce to all of you right here and now ... his penis was only an inch and a half big when it was fully inflated. 

Thanks, I always feel so much better after I blab that out there! 
[/quote]

Candid Carrie....you made me frickin laugh this morning!!  You're lucky I wasn't taking a drink of coffee when I read this!

[Candid Carrie]

No problem.  I can tell you that whenever you need to hear it because I love to say it.