People who love to tell others what to do

[Mom2ConnorRyan]

I have this problem or more of a rant at the moment.  I love my family and somewhat my husbands family.  The problem they love trying to tell us what we should do regarding well anything.  Especially when it comes to raising our son, how many children we should have, etc.  My mom is the worse when it comes to how many kids we should have.  If she had her way we would already be pregnant or have another one.  She thinks since she had 2 under 2 I should want the same thing.  I do not but I also have nothing against people who do.  My son is 2 as everyone knows and we are just not ready for another one at this time and we really do not know if we will be.  So my mom calls me all the time and saids I been talking to people who were an only child and they said they cried for a sibling.  Multiply that times 100 and you see my point.  I also tell her it is our decision and finances as well.  She always saids you will find a way.  I do not want to and besides I am PERFECTLY happy with one.   
I have tried ot explaining but no avail.  My parents say we are weird b/c we do not allow junk food into our home and that we try to eat healthy.  So onto my MIL she likes to tell her opionion on how to raise our son.  SHe said we baby him(I swear we do not), thinks b.c he is close to me (heck i am a SAHM) he will get beat up when he goes to school.  THat is like 3 years away! I told her what we do is our business and no one else's.  Ny husband even tells her to back off.  So my question is anyone else with this problem? Please Tell me I am not alone!

[Happy Momma]

Someone told me one time the best way to respond to those kinds of comments is to say, "Thanks for your advice.  I'll take it into consideration."  And leave it at that.  Everytime they make their comments use the same response and don't say anything else.  It works!

[Audrey]

I have to agree 100%. If you've said "hey this is what we want and I'd love for you to support us" and they don't, then the next answer is "thank you for your advice".

Wouldn't it be boring if each of us were identical and each of our children were identical?

While I'll admit there are some things I don't agree with, I also know there is more than one way to raise a child and have a great outcome.

[emsplace]

Yep, SMILE, say thanks... and do it your own way.
There are a million "right ways" to raise a child. I applaud your staying away from junk, etc...
I live across the street from a gal who hates that I make my son say yes ma'am and that he goes to bed around 8-ish (he's four)... She thinks I have too many rules. I say - do your thang!

[Candid Carrie]

Whoa, I come in at the end of everything. 

My former in-laws were famous for that kind of stupid talk.  And I try very not to lie so this is what I always said:

Hmmm, I never thought of it that way before. 

Because I had never thought of it that way before because that was just a crazy way to think.  So, I told them the truth.  Politely.  They may have always thought:  Carrie really didn't think much did she?  But it was better than being called a liar. 

Or a cheat, which is what their son did after seventeen years of being married.  With his secretary.  Ooooh, they liked her just fine though 

[tojona]

Well, they'll wanna try me! Nobody tells me what to do "be they dead or alive" I always say. I'm so stubborn, I tell everybody in my family exactly where to get off. I practically threw out an uncle this afternoon for telling ME what to do. Huh! I told him to get lost. I'm so vile, those that know me have to watch what they say. My aunt, who is the town gossip, is currently being completely ignored by me for her recent meddle with my life. I just say try me!

[michellesamom]

::sigh::
I feel you. I have the same problem. My daughter is 2 and ALL I hear is "When are you having another one?"
Um... none of your business tyvm!
I get the same hassle about keeping my home junk-food free.
Funny thing, we're in the middle of a listeriosis outbreak here. Affected foods are largely the processed meats (deli meats etc...). MIL called up all in a panic and said that we NEEDED to get rid of all of it RIGHT AWAY.
H calmly told her that we do not buy processed food. TAKE THAT!
 
I really don't give a hoot what anyone else thinks. It's no one else's business if my daughter goes to bed at 7:30, if I choose not to give her garbage, if I decide that Disney is off limits, if I don't want her inundated with gendered toys... that's my business. Yes, my family has made comments on all of the above, but that doesn't mean I have to take them to heart. I know I'm doing what's right for us. I have a happy, healthy, well-adjusted, intelligent two year old. That is enough of an affirmation for me 

[Aimee]

My entire life I have hated being told what to do.  Its seriously rude!!!

If someone (anyone-online, family, friends, strangers etc) tells me waht to do, I tell them that they can do that in their life, but not mine!  I make my own damned decisions!!!!!!

[Happy Momma]

I really don't give a hoot what anyone else thinks. It's no one else's business if my daughter goes to bed at 7:30, if I choose not to give her garbage, if I decide that Disney is off limits, if I don't want her inundated with gendered toys... that's my business. Yes, my family has made comments on all of the above, but that doesn't mean I have to take them to heart. I know I'm doing what's right for us. I have a happy, healthy, well-adjusted, intelligent two year old. That is enough of an affirmation for me 

Kind of off topic here- but I have a question.  And I'm just curious, not trying to start anything- I'm just wondering- what's wrong with Disney?  I can understand the other choices, but I don't think I've ever known anyone who made Disney off limits.  So, I'm just wondering- why?

[Aimee]

I make disney off limits...but its because thats all they want to watch everyday...so some days we don't watch any disney!  Maybe a disney Movie, but not the disney channel.  So its not like a permanent off limits (for us anyways) but some days it is!!! It usually means they just don't want to watch tv, if we won't let them watch the disney channel. LOL

[familyallamode]

All I can say is, get used to it.  My kids are older (11 and 13) and I STILL get a lot of unsolicited advice from relatives, friends and even the media.  I think all moms have a natural instinct about their children, and it's our job to stick to our guts -- tho' it's hard sometime.  And PLEASE, baby your babies.  They grow up so fast!

[Audrey]

I always love a good debate, so I'd like to throw out another angel. My kids are older. They are 18 and 25, so I've been there done that twice now LOL.

Over the years my friends have complained about something...doesn't even matter what they've complained about, but it's a complaint about their child. I offer my opinion. An example, one of my friends, her son was abusing his car privlege. TAKE THE CAR AWAY. Nope, then the poor baby wouldn't be able to get to school, get to work etc. TOO BAD.

I'm not sure she wanted to hear my thoughts, but she was complaining daily that she didn't know what to do. So I absolutely offered my thoughts.

Now the reality is I made the suggestion once. Then a while later I asked if she had rethought about my suggestions. She never did take it away, she still continued to complain and I just listened.

So....what do you all think, when you throw out a problem you're having is it then ok for someone to offer their advcie?

[familyallamode]

Good point, Audrey.  If you're complaining, it's like asking for advice.  Tho' many people probably just like to vent and not do anything about the problem, like your friend. 

If a friend comes to me with a problem, I listen and try to help.  I guess what the world needs more of is listening.  I'm not saying I'm the best at it, because I like to solve problems.  But I'm not sure people really want to solve problems as much as they want to express how they feel.

In any case, next time my relatives tell me to get my son's hair cut, I'll wonder if I had been complaining about it or if the advice was unsolicited!  (He really does need a haircut!)

[emsplace]

The other side of this is that if you ask for advice, you may not like it at the moment, but at some point, you may realize it really was the best course of action. Some people just want to do what they want no matter what the consequence. And when they ask your advice, do the opposite and come back whining that it didn't work out the way they wanted it to... it is very very hard to bite your tongue and refrain from saying "well, you did the opposite of what I said, so I'm not sure why you are now complaining..."  Of course, as adults we have all ignored good advice from time to time and had BAD results. 
Mostly I listen to advice and do what I want anyway when it comes to my son. Sometimes old fashioned advice is great. Sometimes, it is too old fashioned and makes no sense... but I always LISTEN! 
The truth is, most people who give advice do it in a well-meaning way. And if you ever give advice, you should also take it... and as a woman, I can say, my observation is most of us love to give it!
We have to have rules, guidelines and smarter people than us DO exist.
lol

[Mom2ConnorRyan]

My thing is when people give advice and you don't even ask for it! If I want advice I will ask for otherwise I wish my family would butt- out.  THey seem to think because i am mom to just one child i can't possible know anything.  Well i do something and im not stupid! The worst with my family is my choice on having one child only and the fact we eat healthy.  My family my choice.  I always tell them are you going to raise my son, uh No.  Are you going to support anymore children, uh No.